Act 4, Scene 4

Original Text

*A room in Ford's house. Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford and Sir Hugh Evans.* EVANS. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. PAGE. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? MISTRESS PAGE. Within a quarter of an hour.

Modern English

*A room in Ford's house. Page, Ford, Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Sir Hugh Evans enter.* EVANS. She's one of the cleverest women I've ever laid eyes on, I can tell you that. PAGE. And he sent both of you these letters at the same time? MISTRESS PAGE. Within a quarter of an hour of each other.

Original Text

FORD. Pardon me, wife. Henceforth, do what thou wilt. I rather will suspect the sun with cold Than thee with wantonness. Now doth thy honour stand, In him that was of late an heretic, As firm as faith.

Modern English

FORD. Forgive me, wife. From this moment on, do as you please. I'd sooner suspect the sun of being cold than you of being unfaithful. Your honor now stands, in the mind of someone who lately doubted it, as solid as faith itself.

Original Text

PAGE. 'Tis well, 'tis well, no more. Be not as extreme in submission as in offence. But let our plot go forward. Let our wives Yet once again, to make us public sport, Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow, Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.

Modern English

PAGE. Good, good — enough of that. Don't overdo the apology any more than you overdid the suspicion. Now let's move the plan forward. Let our wives arrange one more meeting with this fat old fool, to give us all a good public laugh, so we can catch him and humiliate him properly.

Original Text

FORD. There is no better way than that they spoke of. PAGE. How? To send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll never come.

Modern English

FORD. There's no better plan than the one they've already described. PAGE. What — send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight? Come on, come on, he'll never show up.

Original Text

EVANS. You say he has been thrown in the rivers, and has been grievously peaten as an old 'oman. Methinks there should be terrors in him, that he should not come. Methinks his flesh is punished; he shall have no desires. PAGE. So think I too.

Modern English

EVANS. You say he's been thrown in the river, and was beaten black and blue disguised as an old woman. It seems to me the fear of that should be enough to keep him away. His body has taken its punishment — surely he's lost all appetite for this sort of thing. PAGE. That's my thinking too.

Original Text

MISTRESS FORD. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes, And let us two devise to bring him thither.

Modern English

MISTRESS FORD. Just work out what you'll do with him once he arrives, and leave it to the two of us to get him there.

Original Text

MISTRESS PAGE. There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter, Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest, Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, Walk round about an oak, with great ragged horns, And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle, And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain In a most hideous and dreadful manner.

Modern English

MISTRESS PAGE. There's an old legend that Herne the hunter — once a keeper of the deer in Windsor Forest — walks every winter, when the night is perfectly still, around a certain oak tree, wearing great jagged antlers, blasting the tree with his curse, driving off the cattle, making the dairy cows run blood, and rattling a chain in a way that's hideous beyond description.

Original Text

You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know The superstitious idle-headed eld Received and did deliver to our age, This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

Modern English

You've all heard of this spirit — and you know very well that the credulous old-timers of the past accepted this story and handed it down to us, swearing the tale of Herne the hunter is true.

Original Text

PAGE. Why, yet there want not many that do fear In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak. But what of this?

Modern English

PAGE. And still, there's no shortage of people who won't dare walk past that oak in the dead of night. But what of it?

Original Text

MISTRESS FORD. Marry, this is our device, That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head.

Modern English

MISTRESS FORD. Why, this is our scheme: Falstaff comes to that oak to meet us, dressed as Herne himself, with enormous antlers on his head.

Original Text

PAGE. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape; when you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? What is your plot?

Modern English

PAGE. Right — I have no doubt he'll come, and in that costume. But once you've got him there, what happens to him? What exactly is your plan?

Original Text

MISTRESS PAGE. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus: Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, And three or four more of their growth, we'll dress Like urchins, oafs and fairies, green and white, With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads And rattles in their hands.

Modern English

MISTRESS PAGE. We've thought that through too, and here's how it goes: my daughter Nan, and my little boy, and three or four other children their age — we'll dress them up as goblins, sprites, and fairies, in green and white, with rings of wax candles around their heads and rattles in their hands.

Original Text

Upon a sudden, As Falstaff, she, and I are newly met, Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once With some diffused song; upon their sight We two in great amazedness will fly.

Modern English

Then, at just the right moment — right as Falstaff and the two of us have freshly met — they burst out all at once from a sawpit nearby, shrieking some wild jumbled song. The moment he sees them, the two of us will flee in apparent terror.

Original Text

Then let them all encircle him about, And fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight, And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel, In their so sacred paths he dares to tread In shape profane.

Modern English

Then they swarm around him completely, pinching the lecherous knight like fairies do, demanding to know what right he has, at the hour of fairy revels, to tread their sacred ground in his corrupt, mortal shape.

Original Text

MISTRESS FORD. And till he tell the truth, Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound And burn him with their tapers.

Modern English

MISTRESS FORD. And until he confesses the truth, let the so-called fairies keep pinching him hard and burning him with their candles.

Original Text

MISTRESS PAGE. The truth being known, We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit, And mock him home to Windsor.

Modern English

MISTRESS PAGE. Once the truth is out, we all reveal ourselves, strip off his antlers, and drive the disgraced knight back to Windsor.

Original Text

FORD. The children must Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do 't. EVANS. I will teach the children their behaviours, and I will be like a jackanapes also, to burn the knight with my taber.

Modern English

FORD. The children will need to rehearse this properly, or they'll bungle it. EVANS. I'll coach the children in everything they need to do — and I'll join in myself as a sort of hobgoblin, and burn the knight with my candle too.

Original Text

FORD. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. MISTRESS PAGE. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white.

Modern English

FORD. Splendid. I'll go buy them all masks. MISTRESS PAGE. My Nan will be the queen of all the fairies, dressed beautifully in white.

Original Text

PAGE. That silk will I go buy. [_Aside_.] And in that time Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away, And marry her at Eton.—Go, send to Falstaff straight.

Modern English

PAGE. I'll go buy that silk myself. [*Aside.*] And while all this is happening, Master Slender will slip away with my Nan and marry her quietly over at Eton. — Now go, send word to Falstaff immediately.

Original Text

FORD. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook. He'll tell me all his purpose. Sure, he'll come. MISTRESS PAGE. Fear not you that. Go, get us properties And tricking for our fairies.

Modern English

FORD. I'll go to him again myself as Brook. He'll lay out his whole scheme to me. He'll come, I'm sure of it. MISTRESS PAGE. Don't worry about that. Go and get us props and costumes for our fairies.

Original Text

EVANS. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures and fery honest knaveries. [_Exeunt Page, Ford and Evans._]

Modern English

EVANS. Let's get to it. What a delightful entertainment — and a very honorable piece of mischief. [*Page, Ford, and Evans exit.*]

Original Text

MISTRESS PAGE. Go, Mistress Ford. Send quickly to Sir John to know his mind. [_Exit Mistress Ford._]

Modern English

MISTRESS PAGE. Go, Mistress Ford. Send quickly to Sir John to find out if he's willing. [*Mistress Ford exits.*]

Original Text

I'll to the Doctor. He hath my good will, And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot, And he my husband best of all affects. The Doctor is well moneyed, and his friends Potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her, Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. [_Exit._]

Modern English

Now I'll go to the Doctor. He has my full blessing, and no one but him, to marry Nan Page. That Slender, whatever land he owns, is a fool, and he's the one my husband favors most. But the Doctor has money, and his connections reach right into court. He — no one but he — shall have her, even if twenty thousand better men came asking. [*Exit.*]

The Merry Wives of Windsor

Act 4, Scene 4

Act 4, Scene 4